...aaaand it feels like the tooth has cracked underneath the filling. Doesn't hurt (yet). But in the spirit of keeping vanquished reds vanquished, I've made an appointment to have it looked at in two days. Hopefully there will be a quick fix.
Thanks for updating and making progress on your MAP (hmmm...maybe I should be doing that too...)
Re: the tooth. That stinks. You may need a crown for the cracked tooth. They are freaking expensive (even with insurance), so try to tie it to the filling they just did. They broke your tooth, they can fix it without charging you $1000.
@MiddleMan your Map is Fantastic. I read the first post often for a kick in the pants and inspiration. You've come so far it's what makes me keep going some days. If I can get my wife to sex 2-3 x a week I'll be very happy. Great stuff here. Keep going.
Into Phase 3..
Those Who Dare......Win. "What gives you fear today...Gives you Strength tomorrow.."
Thanks, @fordsvt. I really appreciate the encouragement.
I want to start having the kind of sex you recently described in the boundary-pushing thread. I'll really feel like I've accomplished something if I can get there.
I just read @fordsvt thread there...... I see you're baaaaack ford!
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
I would like to share something I feel will be beneficial to you: A quote from a famous swordsman.
Whatever the Way, the master of strategy does not appear fast….Of course, slowness is bad. Really skillful people never get out of time, and are always deliberate, and never appear busy.”
I'm not exactly sure how to interpret that. The way I read it, it means something like "Preparation and experience trump raw talent and ability." Am I close?
steady progress my friend, you are making progress, I know you have a certain measurement of success (bjtc) you are striving for.
However look back and see the ground you have covered in other areas. I have not lost many inches in a few moths, however my clothes fit much loser and my over all shape shoulders, back is improved.
The MAP is a journey and not always a destination, right?
So I've written a couple iterations of my MAP. And each time, I've basically left them sit. I haven't been reviewing them and I haven't been looking for, declaring, and fixing "monkeys."
I've gotten so much useful information in various threads, but I haven't been following the structure for putting the information into use. I've basically just flipped the switch from "I don't know what else I can do" to "Damn, look at all the stuff I absolutely need to do!" in my MAP.
I'm going to start actually doing these things. I need to hold myself accountable and stop half-assing this. If you're reading this, feel free to ask me how I'm doing on my MAP and my monkeys. They'll appear below, and soon.
@Angeline, can you provide me with a little insight?
This past Friday morning, my wife told me she was making meat lasagna for dinner. I said great, and she and I did a little word play (we do this almost every day), calling it "meat-sagna." I riffed on that a little bit, saying, "I'll be putting my meat-sagna tonight." (I'll be putting my meats on ya.)
She didn't react at the time. Saturday night, she brought it up after we had sex. She said that made her feel gross. Like she was married to "The Todd" from the TV show "Scrubs." I played it off as cocky and funny, laughing about how my word play was a good one, and how whatever her reaction was could be traced to poor delivery, not what I said. I held frame pretty well, actually; I didn't apologize or anything.
This is is the context in which I'm working. Any pointers as to how I should approach this? It doesn't exactly come naturally to me.
Hey, you couldn't be like The Todd - you weren't wearing a banana hammock!! (Or were you???? )
As out of character as this stuff is to you, it's even weirder to her because she has no earthly idea why you're acting out of character. So you have to accept that she might need some time to process the change in behavior. IMO you should pretty much blow off her objections and just tell her to lighten up. But you'll have to lighten up first and then give her time to adjust. So you'll eventually get from objections on her part to begrudging tolerance, to acceptance, to maybe her cracking a smile or laughing about it. But you HAVE to start separating sex and sexuality from seriousness. She needs to see that it's something fun and a thing you guys can explore without fear and not something with a cloud of gloom over it.
I think at first, it's going to seem awkward because, well, it is. During our post-sex conversation, she said something about "I know you've got this new confident thing going on...." So maybe that's progress.
EDIT: I hadn't consciously been trying to be outwardly more confident, so that MUST be progress.
Comments
Re: the tooth. That stinks. You may need a crown for the cracked tooth. They are freaking expensive (even with insurance), so try to tie it to the filling they just did. They broke your tooth, they can fix it without charging you $1000.
Now food gets stuck around it all the time. But I'll adjust.
If I can get my wife to sex 2-3 x a week I'll be very happy.
Great stuff here. Keep going.
Into Phase 3..
Those Who Dare......Win. "What gives you fear today...Gives you Strength tomorrow.."I want to start having the kind of sex you recently described in the boundary-pushing thread. I'll really feel like I've accomplished something if I can get there.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
1) Make more effort to inject humor and fun into daily life. Everybody wins there.
2) See the BJTC thread; perhaps some more boundary pushing is indicated. But cocky/funny OI is an absolute necessity.
Whatever the Way, the master of strategy does not appear fast….Of course, slowness is bad. Really skillful people never get out of time, and are always deliberate, and never appear busy.”
Fate favors the prepared.
I'm not exactly sure how to interpret that. The way I read it, it means something like "Preparation and experience trump raw talent and ability." Am I close?
However look back and see the ground you have covered in other areas. I have not lost many inches in a few moths, however my clothes fit much loser and my over all shape shoulders, back is improved.
The MAP is a journey and not always a destination, right?
Fate favors the prepared.
I've gotten so much useful information in various threads, but I haven't been following the structure for putting the information into use. I've basically just flipped the switch from "I don't know what else I can do" to "Damn, look at all the stuff I absolutely need to do!" in my MAP.
I'm going to start actually doing these things. I need to hold myself accountable and stop half-assing this. If you're reading this, feel free to ask me how I'm doing on my MAP and my monkeys. They'll appear below, and soon.
1. Finish project- decorating daughter's room.
2. Take at least one risk re: pushing wife's boundaries via sext.
3. Handle insurance matter.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
This past Friday morning, my wife told me she was making meat lasagna for dinner. I said great, and she and I did a little word play (we do this almost every day), calling it "meat-sagna." I riffed on that a little bit, saying, "I'll be putting my meat-sagna tonight." (I'll be putting my meats on ya.)
She didn't react at the time. Saturday night, she brought it up after we had sex. She said that made her feel gross. Like she was married to "The Todd" from the TV show "Scrubs." I played it off as cocky and funny, laughing about how my word play was a good one, and how whatever her reaction was could be traced to poor delivery, not what I said. I held frame pretty well, actually; I didn't apologize or anything.
This is is the context in which I'm working. Any pointers as to how I should approach this? It doesn't exactly come naturally to me.
As out of character as this stuff is to you, it's even weirder to her because she has no earthly idea why you're acting out of character. So you have to accept that she might need some time to process the change in behavior. IMO you should pretty much blow off her objections and just tell her to lighten up. But you'll have to lighten up first and then give her time to adjust. So you'll eventually get from objections on her part to begrudging tolerance, to acceptance, to maybe her cracking a smile or laughing about it. But you HAVE to start separating sex and sexuality from seriousness. She needs to see that it's something fun and a thing you guys can explore without fear and not something with a cloud of gloom over it.
I think at first, it's going to seem awkward because, well, it is. During our post-sex conversation, she said something about "I know you've got this new confident thing going on...." So maybe that's progress.
EDIT: I hadn't consciously been trying to be outwardly more confident, so that MUST be progress.
2. Done verbally per suggestions in this thread. I'm going to keep this one on my monkey list though.
3. Done.
Thinking of of next week's monkeys while watching the Super Bowl.