MiddleMan's MAP

fordsvt

Don't place to much pressure on dating or the house renos. Just have some fun dude. You've had some very hard and trying years in the past few!! Enjoy life abit and just take it all in.

MiddleMan

Serious post time.

I feel very ashamed of myself. I completely lost frame over a goddamn iPad video game. And it's not the first time. It's become clear to me that I'm addicted to the game. It's so insidious; it's designed so that you can go to it for little dopamine hits pretty much anytime. And for someone with my competitive personality, if I get on a losing streak my frustration builds and builds. I have to keep playing until I beat someone. I've lost frame playing this game before, when I'm home alone. Screaming at the top of my lungs to the point where I get a bit dizzy. 

Today I was playing while I was on the toilet. (Like I said, ashamed.) And I raged so much that I smacked the bathroom wall in front of me twice. Open-palmed.

I put a hole in the drywall with my open palm. While on the shitter. 

I think this counts as rock-bottom for a video game addiction, at least for me. To say nothing of some pent-up anger issues I apparently have.

I've deleted the game from my iPad and iPhone. I'm going to learn how to repair the drywall myself, and do it.

I may need to get back into therapy. I've been fucking around for a year. I've been procrastinating at home and at work. I've been focusing too much on dating and getting laid. I'm not proud of myself; I'm ashamed of myself. I need to become someone I can be proud of.

SignorePillolaRossa

You've handled worse than this. 
You've got this,  captain. 
Onward to increased awesomeness. 

... and peace 

RebuildingHusband

CR is a hell of a game. I have to put it down frequently too. 

Rorschach

Wall punching, huh? Not good. Good that you were alone, and good that you ditched the game, but it's a sign of something deeper eating at you. What are you doing for serious exercise to feed the competitive thing?  What else can you to for dopamine?

And fix the wall ASAP. It's good for the soul.

JellyBean

SignorePillolaRossa said:

You've handled worse than this. 
You've got this,  captain. 
Onward to increased awesomeness. 

... and peace 

Onward to awesome.
You have handled worse than this. 
Youve got this, Captain. 

#haikuized

Adam_S

I think having some buried anger to work through is understandable after the last year or so. Deep breath, onwards and upwards.

Oh and https://www.lowes.com/projects/repair-and-maintain/patch-and-repair-drywall/project

MiddleMan

RebuildingHusband said:

CR is a hell of a game. I have to put it down frequently too. 

Nailed it.

I've watched some  YouTube videos about repairing holes in drywall. It looks pretty easy. I'm going to fix it today and involve my daughter. I can teach her how to fix things and that we can do it ourselves.

MiddleMan

Rorschach said:

Wall punching, huh? Not good. Good that you were alone, and good that you ditched the game, but it's a sign of something deeper eating at you. What are you doing for serious exercise to feed the competitive thing?  What else can you to for dopamine?

And fix the wall ASAP. It's good for the soul.

The wall is getting fixed today, that's for sure.  As for wall punching, I hit it with an open hand, thinking that I didn't want to damage the wall. Apparently, I'm stronger than I realize and/or the wall was weaker than I realized. This sort of thing only happens when  I was playing that game, though. Even so, I think you're right. 

I'm going to the gym and lifting twice a week. I am honestly not sure that getting involved in something seriously competitive would be good for me. Not right now, anyway.  Generally for dopamine, I've been working out, doing improv classes, and dating. (That game was my main, every day source for a little hits of dopamine. I have gotten rid of that now;  I'll need to replace it with something much healthier.) 

Angeline

Something like boxing or Krav Maga where you're hitting someone that hits back would probably be good for you on all fronts. You'll get the exercise and testosterone bump from doing a manly, contact sport, you'll get the dopamine from the fighting, and you'll get a natural curb on getting too competitive because of, well, the hitting back. 

Crashaxe

I'm just glad that you didn't find a stud when you hit the wall. You would be typing one handed right now with your other hand in a cast. #couldalwaysbeworse

MiddleMan

First coat of joint compound is on and drying. 

fordsvt

Hey @MiddleMan ; don't forget you've had a tough couple of years. Give yourself some space inside and relax. Perhaps some anger Mgmt. is in order? You mentioned therapy so may not be a bad idea.
Nice work on the drywall patch. Just feather it out little more so it's not so high and can be seen after painting

MiddleMan

fordsvt said:

Hey @MiddleMan ; don't forget you've had a tough couple of years. Give yourself some space inside and relax. Perhaps some anger Mgmt. is in order? You mentioned therapy so may not be a bad idea.
Nice work on the drywall patch. Just feather it out little more so it's not so high and can be seen after painting

I bought premixed joint compound, which takes a day to dry, apparently. So I'll sand it down tomorrow and then put on another layer if needed.

And I never liked that paint color. Now's the perfect opportunity to change it. 

Tennee

@MiddleMan ProTip:  for second (and beyond) coats, thin your compound mix with a smidge of water - to a pancake batter consistency.  It'll provide a smoother finish with less sanding.  Use your putty knife to knock off the big bumps or chunks before additional coats. 

wanderingTheDesert

Kudos on taking problem behavior and turning into an opportunity to improve yourself. 

Amateur tip:  when the compound is still damp, use a large sponge (also damp) to smooth out the mud. Saves a bunch of sanding. 

samson

RebuildingHusband said:

CR is a hell of a game. I have to put it down frequently too. 

Also very unbalanced and pay to win at the highest levels.

Tennee

leoslayer said:

It was jokingly mentioned for me to give pointers.

I would be obviously glad to give back to anyone that asks. Everyone here has always helped me so much.


While I don't obviously know how to secure a long term relationship I do know how to get you to a first meet. Or how to get a woman so turned on from texts that she'll do all sorts of things. Or things they really like physically.

MM Said:  "Teach me. I'm not doing badly, by any means. But you make it seem effortless. I'd like that.  "

ETA:  From the OLDT


Let's talk about you for a second, shall we?  Want it to be effortless?  Appear effortless about it.  Really.  First, grasp where you are.   You're spinning plates.  You are.  I remember a convo with you ages ago, before everything happened.  One sort of 'lament' you had was you were always serious, never had that wild-child time.  Well, you've arrived, Welcome.  So get where you are right now, in reality.  Its pretty damn good, right?  That's a nice base of operations to work from. 

Second, I'd adopt a very healthy and robust "I am the King" streak.  You're a highly educated, well paid, attractive, stable (...well, mostly  ) guy who's literally in his prime years.  Remember that - every day.  IDGAF, 'WHEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA' attitude.  Tell Counselor Serious to fuck off, at least when you're off the client meter.  Apply that attitude to interactions.  I don't mean be some egregious pompous asshole (unless the moment calls for such) but be funny.  Smart-ass.  CONFIDENT.  If it blows up, its cause you meant it to.  Get the cold shoulder?  Ha ha, NEXT.   Get to enjoying and learning from any 'failure'.  'Well, that was fun, onward' or 'Man, did THAT Bomb! HA' kinda thing.  You don't fret anything, because success is in fact guaranteed - just down the road a smidge. 

I told you I'd have sent Date Doctor "Yeah, I much prefer animalistic sex to dating myself" or some such nonsense.  That's not bravado behind an evil-grinning avatar - I 110% would have done that.  Because there is nothing to lose.  Because I'm a evil-grinning smarty-pants.  Because that had at least some chance - I'd give it 1 in 3 - of a sexually charged reply.  And then Nelly Bar the Door. 

WHEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAA!  Be that. 

MiddleMan

Thanks, @Tennee. That kind of confidence has never come naturally to me. I suppose it's the epitome of OI, and I'm sure I'd benefit from cultivating it in myself. I do think of myself positively, but if I dial up the ego like that, it's unnatural and forced. And I think women will see that I'm faking it. I think it'd be good for me to figure out how to have (and display) a quiet confidence. 

What struck me about @leoslayer was how women just approach him. There's probably a vibe he puts out there that I don't. And I bet it's related to this confidence. I have a few theories about why I don't have that, but I'm going to have to wait on sharing them- I'm meeting a woman for a lunch date. 

curiouselle

my sense, is part of it is 'acceptance', he comes across like he accepts a woman physically...ultimately sexually.  Look how often he's pointed out the positives in woman he interacts with.  I believe those with him (women) notice he catches the 'pluses'. Another is his 'been here before' not in a bored manner, more a 'no fear' approach.  Walk in the room for the lunch date like it's your zillionth but you are interested all the same, and that's what he conveys even on this forum.