MiddleMan's MAP

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  • TenneeTennee Next Stop: AwesomevilleSilver Member Posts: 5,963
    'Walk in the room for the lunch date like it's your zillionth but you are interested all the same,'

    ^ This.  Walk into the room like you own it.  Because you do. 

    MM Said:  'I think it'd be good for me to figure out how to have (and display) a quiet yet overwhelming confidence. '

    FTFY.  Yes, that is Foundation Step Numero Uno.
    "Fall down seven times, stand up eight"  Japanese Proverb

    How will you live well today?
    MiddleMan
  • TenneeTennee Next Stop: AwesomevilleSilver Member Posts: 5,963
    "And I bet it's related to this confidence. I have a few theories about why I don't have that, but I'm going to have to wait on sharing them- I'm meeting a woman for a lunch date."

    Yeah, you lack confidence aight.  Niiiiiiice Humble Brag Bro.   Bully for you.

     
    Related image


    "Fall down seven times, stand up eight"  Japanese Proverb

    How will you live well today?
    CrashaxeMiddleManTruman
  • forestleafforestleaf At the farmGold Women Posts: 1,703
    Confidence.  To be single, putting out a vibe that draws women in?  Do you think you're that guy?  [I'm really asking.]  Don't be someone you're not, unless that vision represents someone you used to be, whom you'd like to be again.  Not to be corny, but be who you are.

    I honestly think the grass is always greener, for all of us, and I don't mean that in a bad way.  Someone in a committed relationship (like many of us) might look at a guy spinning plates and wish that could be us, wish we could have and then drop partners at a whim, because of the passion and excitement that come along with that lifestyle.  We all remember our first kiss, or first sexual experience with a certain someone, and how our bodies lit up with hormones and wonderful sensations (I get tingles thinking about the first time I was with my husband).  Then again, to someone living the single lifestyle, especially someone who has experienced a good bit of time in a long-term, committed relationship, it might be hard to live that single lifestyle again, and I hear you pining for being with someone again.  Connecting.  You do seem to date a lot, but it doesn't seem like you do it just for the thrill of the chase and the conquest.  You really seem to want to find someone to really connect with and to love again, even though you say you will not marry again (I believe I remember you saying that).  There's really something to be said for that connection with someone, knowing they'll be there when you come home, glad to see you, wanting to kiss you, talk to you, share your life with. 

    I hope your date went well.  I really want to see things work out for you, MM.
    WinterIrishGypsyCartB4Horse
  • MiddleManMiddleMan Chicago BurbsSilver Member Posts: 1,898
    I had fun on the lunch date. I thought I presented myself well. I was funny and charming. Nothing felt awkward. I think my mistake was waiting until I got back to my office and then asking her out on a second date via text. 

    She hasn't responded in 2 hours, so I'm thinking it's not a good sign. And of course, who can say whether the timing would have made a difference. Oh well. If I'm wrong, great. If not, on to the next one. 

    @forestleaf- I'm not that guy. Never have been. It sounds so appealing to me because it seems effortless. I have to hustle; I have to keep putting myself out there, risking rejection and paying for dates. I think you're right; I do want to have that connection, that love, even though I'm a long way from considering marriage ever again. I don't believe it's for the thrill of the chase. I think I'm effectively spinning plates because it's been nigh-impossible to find a mutual attraction that goes somewhere. I've been flaked on plenty. I've ended things with some great women with whom I've had a great connection because I wasn't feeling physically attracted enough. I really do want to find the woman who makes me want to stop looking.

    I have a second date coming up Saturday night. It's with a woman who lives in Chicago. We definitely had real chemistry on our first date and I'm pretty unambiguously attracted to her (and she seems to be to me). So wish me luck, I guess?
    forestleafwranglerCartB4Horse
  • MiddleManMiddleMan Chicago BurbsSilver Member Posts: 1,898
    I'd say I'm fun. I'm high energy when I'm on, but I sometimes am a little reserved. I do genuinely like women. But if I'm honest, I probably do have resting serious face. It's commuter armor; it's kind of a city thing. Maybe eye contact and a more relaxed face should be part of my focus. 
  • leoslayerleoslayer NCSilver Member Posts: 1,920
    edited December 8
    Yo, don't do lunch or daytime dates especially a first date.

    They are a no other option possible plan.

    They a friend zone heavy deal.

    Drinks only and after 8pm when possible.
    MiddleManPen_and_SwordIrishGypsyCartB4Horse
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,500
    MiddleMan said:
    I'd say I'm fun. I'm high energy when I'm on, but I sometimes am a little reserved. I do genuinely like women. But if I'm honest, I probably do have resting serious face. It's commuter armor; it's kind of a city thing. Maybe eye contact and a more relaxed face should be part of my focus. 
    "Commuter armor" made me chuckle, but dude, I live in a city not that far behind yours in size and crazy. 

    How angry and wary are you still about women and sex and marriage? 
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    LeticiaBeatrice
  • TenneeTennee Next Stop: AwesomevilleSilver Member Posts: 5,963
    leoslayer said:
    Yo, don't do lunch or daytime dates especially a first date.

    They are a no other option possible plan.

    They a friend zone heavy deal.

    Drinks only and after 8pm when possible.
    You're saying that to a guy who parlayed brunch into a BJTC and more.  
    "Fall down seven times, stand up eight"  Japanese Proverb

    How will you live well today?
    forestleafOzLionwranglerCartB4Horse
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,500
    Exactly. They're plenty attracted when given a chance to see MiddleMan.

    Women throwing themselves at you is a result of a generally attractive man plus strong, 'here I am' kind of presence, not a sit back and wait thing. 
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    JellyBeanTenneeCartB4Horse
  • MiddleManMiddleMan Chicago BurbsSilver Member Posts: 1,898
    Angeline said:
    Exactly. They're plenty attracted when given a chance to see MiddleMan.

    Women throwing themselves at you is a result of a generally attractive man plus strong, 'here I am' kind of presence, not a sit back and wait thing. 
    Except when we go out on a date or two and they lose interest. (Or I do.)

    I do think that lunch dates as first dates tend not to work. That's just based on my experience over the past year. 
  • TenneeTennee Next Stop: AwesomevilleSilver Member Posts: 5,963
    edited December 9
    "If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it." - Jackie Gleason


    My best advice to you my man - go to the mirror and say "I.Have.It".  Really, let yourself have It.  Because you do.  I can stack evidence up all the do-da-day, but you have to internalize It.  Now, you go figure out how to harness It.  Because as the sage brilliant comedian above said, if you don't know you have it, well...you don't. 

    Any line, any action, anything will emanate from the fact that you Have It.  If not, it'll fall flat every time, all the time.  

    This is the starting point.   This is the foundation.  This is Frame.
    "Fall down seven times, stand up eight"  Japanese Proverb

    How will you live well today?
    JellyBean
  • leoslayerleoslayer NCSilver Member Posts: 1,920
    Tennee said:
    leoslayer said:
    Yo, don't do lunch or daytime dates especially a first date.

    They are a no other option possible plan.

    They a friend zone heavy deal.

    Drinks only and after 8pm when possible.
    You're saying that to a guy who parlayed brunch into a BJTC and more.  
    Oh it's doable for sure. But long term over a nice sample size drinks after 8 will be more successful for most men.
    TenneeMiddleManOzLionCartB4Horse
  • curiousellecuriouselle Member Posts: 12
    A (long) while back  @SaigoTakamori mentioned to read @sf64 's posts to someone asking about 'alpha'.  If you allow me to make a humble suggestion to .pdf what you can there.  He gave more that stories of life in a different world, you can extract the essence and build a plan for your next exciting chapter.  For example, he mentioned a leadership book that all employees read in his org(s).  You are smart, educated but have you immersed yourself in leadership?  He also mentions his approaches with new dates.  Overcoming the rug being pulled out from under him in life. Being a father to his daughters.  Pulling a 'council' of friends when at life crossroads.  You have just put behind you a year that for anyone, would be tremendously difficult.  You have mentioned wanting to build up male circle but in the meantime there are people here (like @Tennee) whom you could elicit as a kind of virtual council until then.  This is hasty, but time is of the essence.  What have you got to loose but some download and commute time as you look at the essence of for yourself.  To disregard his writings because, wealth, would be like someone looking at you and saying, oh yeah Middleman, he has it easy cause he's a professional doncha know.  My real wish for you is that you find yourself, walking in a crowded room with the hottest girl on your arm.  And why not....
    BabyMakes5_dadMiddleMan
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