Playful resistance to alpha

Seneca

Since I've started upping the alpha content in my sexual advances toward my wife, I've noticed something in her behaviour that has probably always been there, just not as top of mind due to our lack of sexual interactions.

I like being alpha, I like being dominant, especially during sex and the lead up.  I know that my wife likes it too, and she likes to be submissive - I can't wait to see how this side of her evolves over time.  She does, however, tend to put up some resistance to my alpha advances.  I don't know if the resistance is there because she wants me to up the alpha ante even further and power through it, or because she's trying to retain some sort of control over the situation for fear of losing herself too deeply in the moment.

It's probably hard for you to make much of this without an example.  Usually it manifests in some sort of foreplay interaction.  I'll text her something racy, or leave her a note in a very dominant frame "I am going to do XYZ to you", the implication being that she has no choice in the matter.  Sometimes she just goes with it, but other times she retorts to the effect of "I'll see about that" or "only if ABC...".

Do any of you guys / girls experience that sort of reaction to your advances, or react in that sort of way?  I'm curious how you respond to it, and what she might be looking for when she does that.

Monkeys_Uncle

I think those are just fitness tests, albeit fun playful ones.   Equally playful cockiness and self-assuredness is the winning response. 

Seneca

Usually that has been my response.  I think I might need to up the "playfulness" of my responses though.  Sometimes I sort of up the dominance ante and it makes me a little uncomfortable, just because I don't know how she's taking it.  I'll basically tell her something to the effect of her not having any say in the matter, which I worry she will interpret as being too controlling or too dominant.  So far it seems to have worked, but I don't know if that's because she likes it or because she goes along with it.

Serenity

Oh yeah. She's just upping the ante on stimulation. I do this a lot with my husband. It gives him a chance to pour on the Alpha and then we're both happy. Kind of verbal foreplay.

There's probably also a sense of trying to retain control. Even though I like the dominance, it can also be a bit unsettling. Not a bad thing, just part of the dynamic.

Just be cocky and confident. Sounds like she's responding well.

ETA:  Here's a thread you may find insightful.

ETA2:  Sorry, forgot to add the link. Fixed now.

Tiberius

definitely have fun with it. There's a reason it's called Game.

Seneca

@Serenity @Monkeys_Uncle

Thanks for the advice.

The more I think about this, the more it's clear that it spills over into the sex as well.  I've had times in the past where I've been trying to keep dominant frame, instructing her in a confident tone about what to do, and she'll just say "no".  The only reactions I could think to make have always left me feeling a bit uneasy afterwards.  Basically what I've done is grabbed her in some sort of dominant way (maybe near the neck or throat, but never violent or in a way that would evoke pain) and told her in an even sterner sort of tone that she'll do what I ask.  It seems to have worked, I've just worried afterwards (without any reason from her) that I could have pushed too far.

I guess it will just take some getting used to.

BrianC

When I get these kind of responses, I read them as "Try harder."

Seneca

@BrianC

That makes sense.  But what is the frame to take in doing so?  I'm thinking that it's probably a trial and error feeling out process.  Basically, I just don't want to scare my wife.  Haha.

I could say "Get on the bed you little bitch".  And honestly, that might work.  Or it might not, I don't know.

BrianC

The best option is to keep a sense of humor about you. If you can pretend to, or better yet actually, find her resistance funny, it takes all the sting of the rejection. You can remember that this is a game, and you're becoming a much better player in it.it also helps to remember that the more attractive you are, the more intense the resistance will be at first. The hamster gets sore when it knows you're winning. This is what we refer to as "Amused Mastery."

It also helps to change up your alpha approach once in awhile. What makes for good alpha for one woman can be a complete turn off for another. figure out which displays of high-value dominance she resists the least.