Help a new guy pass a fitness test

MiddleManMiddleMan Chicago BurbsSilver Member Posts: 1,898

For starters, I'm not even sure this is a fitness test. But I'd appreciate some guidance from the group.

I'm working on becoming more playfully dominant. Since I'm at work and my wife is a SAHM, texting seems like a good way to do this.

We had sex Monday night. We didn't last night- I was at the gym and she was asleep when I returned. Tonight, I have a therapy appointment but I'd like to see if I can initiate to a hard no (or even a yes) afterward.

I tried out the following to lay the groundwork via text:

Me: How is my very attractive wife doing?

Wife: I'm ok. You?

Me: Handsomely taking care of business.

[No response for over half an hour]

Me: What, nothing? Is this an audience or a mosaic? [A movie reference we both find funny- Disney's Hercules]

Wife: Sorry, not feeling like banter.

Me: Pity. We'll have to try another time.

---------

So I'm not liking my chances. She's probably thinking that since we had sex 2 nights ago, we should be good for a few more days. I want to keep good OI, but I also don't want to be pushing it too much too soon. Hell, if she's not into it, I'd like to get back to the gym tonight.

My thinking is that I should go to my appointment, come back, and initiate to a hard no. If I get that, I keep OI and head to the gym.

I'm looking for pointers, suggestions, reassurance, etc. Can you help a new guy out?

[Deleted User]
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Comments

  • MiddleManMiddleMan Chicago BurbsSilver Member Posts: 1,898

    @fredless- She's definitely not ready for those yet. Or, I suppose, I'm not alpha enough.

    @Chief_TC- You're right. I was disappointed that she doesn't want to flirt back. Can't force it, though.

    @kathrynthegreat- I don't think everything is a fitness test. In fact, I don't see her giving me any fitness tests at all! Reading that part of the MMSLP, I don't recognize tendencies like that in my wife at all. So either I'm oblivious, or my wife is a little different.

    NowISee
  • SenecaSeneca CanadaSilver Member Posts: 268
    I would agree that maybe the best course would have been to stop texting once she didn't respond to your "taking care of business" comment.

    Generally speaking, when I text with my wife, I try never to write two things in a row without a reply in between.  I don't know if it's just my style, but for some reason it feels a bit needy if I re-prompt for a response.
    The_DudeTiberius
  • MiddleManMiddleMan Chicago BurbsSilver Member Posts: 1,898

    @Serenity- A lot of what I've read in the MMSLP and MAP so far talks about how initiating starts earlier in the day. Innuendo, drive-bys, that sort of thing. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to "sext," I'm trying to be playful. Am I misunderstanding what that means? Should I just give that up?

    I'm still trying to find out what works. There's a whole lot that doesn't.

  • hoping4betterhoping4better Member Posts: 1,223
    Bro - you are a couple of weeks MAPPING at best.  You will get the best bang for your buck with getting fit, getting well dressed, getting your look together.  These are things that help raise your SR in HER eyes.  That is what you need to get to.  Right now your SR is not +1 to hers.  If she is setting the timetable for sex all the time you are -1 to hers.

    First get SR even, then get +1, again in her eyes.  You can fool around with some texts but the responses she is giving you are common early and even mid MAP.  Hell I am approaching 24 months and my wife is just not into the hard sexts.  It's not a shit test, she is not into it.

    Don't worry you will get plenty of shit tests and battles for control as you gain in your SR and destabilize the relationship with the new you.
    MiddleManThe_Dude
  • hoping4betterhoping4better Member Posts: 1,223
    Also - don't project or mind read "I'm not liking my chances" etc.  Just play the ball where it lays.  Situation can change very suddenly - go into initiation with an open mind, expect success and then have a plan for what to do to be OI if it doesn't work.
    MiddleManKheldar
  • MiddleManMiddleMan Chicago BurbsSilver Member Posts: 1,898

    @hoping4better- Thanks. Patience has never been easy for me. I acknowledge that I'm just starting and it's not reasonable for me to expect instant results.

    She's just not into it. And she's not thinking of me sexually right now.

    One thing that bugs me, though, is that I believe I'm already at least even with my wife in terms of SR. I mean, if she and I weren't married, I'd be in much higher demand than she would be. But I'd still objectively be lacking in alpha, so I'm probably just thinking about this in the wrong frame of mind.

    I worry that even if I do a great job MAPping, she'll still just have low desire.

    Jeez, I'm all over the place, aren't I?

  • Monkeys_UncleMonkeys_Uncle RuralGold Men Posts: 4,045
    edited January 2014
    I think that was too PG for something that is supposed to get her thinking about sex. It doesn't necessarily have to be x-rated, but in my experience it's got to be sexual in order to be effective.

    Also agree that if you get no response, you should just stop.  Sending further texts to provoke a response is over-doing it. 

    And no Disney movie quotes. 

    With that said, I don't think she was testing you.  You were just trying out a new way to be sexual with her, and it needs a little tweaking.  Keep trying.

    "My advice to you is get married:  if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates

    MiddleMan[Deleted User][Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • hoping4betterhoping4better Member Posts: 1,223
    Just remember it only matters what your SR is in HER eyes.  

    Yours don't matter - "Mirror Mirror on the wall who has the highest sex rank of them all, etc."

    Look at the Best IOI's thread - you getting lot's of IOI's?  Her friends telling her you look really good, squeezing you etc?  Or are you invisible to other women?

    And most importantly are you getting them from better looking women than your wife THAT SHE CAN SEE.  She has to see them for them to work in your favor.

    That's why fitness, clothing, grooming etc. so important early MAP. Generate observable IOI's with her around, your SR is going up = change in relationship dynamic.
    MiddleManredheaded_womanHildaCorners
  • longnecklongneck Silver Member Posts: 389
    Roissy has a 3 to 2 rule.  Give back 2 texts to every 3 of hers.  Yours should be short.  She is the one that should be the bubbly school girl.

    TPoke
  • SerenitySerenity Senior Moderator** Posts: 11,358
    Almost every guy on the Forum has been where you are right now. Six months from now, you won't know yourself. 
    MiddleMan said:

    I think I ought to change the title of this thread to "Help a new guy get a clue!"

    I've got such a long way to go.

    Monkeys_Uncle[Deleted User]MaterStellieTiberius
  • Monkeys_UncleMonkeys_Uncle RuralGold Men Posts: 4,045
    I think Roissy's rule doesn't work as well for a marriage with things to schedule and details to work out vs trying to game one plate among many.

    But if your ratio is more than 1:1  slanted towards you, you could be overdoing it.   Looking at mine and my wife's texts for the last day, we are pretty much dead even at 1:1, but that also includes a few times where I sent three in a row or she sent three in a row. 

    "My advice to you is get married:  if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates

    Angeline
  • EightbitEightbit DruidiaGold Men Posts: 2,410
    MiddleMan said:

    I think I ought to change the title of this thread to "Help a new guy get a clue!"

    I've got such a long way to go.

    I'm going to lay off the texts for the time being. Time to fine-tune my MAP and prioritize some monkeys.

    (Which would be a very amusing statement out of context.)

    Don't sweat it. Many of us started just as bad. Hell, I didn't even start texting at all until late 2011.

    But it is key to do it for fun and not as some button you push to try and get sex. If the two of you use texting a lot to communicate start looking for opportunities to turn a text from her into flirty sexual innuendo.
    Insert witty, insightful signature here.
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