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For starters, I'm not even sure this is a fitness test. But I'd appreciate some guidance from the group.
I'm working on becoming more playfully dominant. Since I'm at work and my wife is a SAHM, texting seems like a good way to do this.
We had sex Monday night. We didn't last night- I was at the gym and she was asleep when I returned. Tonight, I have a therapy appointment but I'd like to see if I can initiate to a hard no (or even a yes) afterward.
I tried out the following to lay the groundwork via text:
Me: How is my very attractive wife doing?
Wife: I'm ok. You?
Me: Handsomely taking care of business.
[No response for over half an hour]
Me: What, nothing? Is this an audience or a mosaic? [A movie reference we both find funny- Disney's Hercules]
Wife: Sorry, not feeling like banter.
Me: Pity. We'll have to try another time.
---------
So I'm not liking my chances. She's probably thinking that since we had sex 2 nights ago, we should be good for a few more days. I want to keep good OI, but I also don't want to be pushing it too much too soon. Hell, if she's not into it, I'd like to get back to the gym tonight.
My thinking is that I should go to my appointment, come back, and initiate to a hard no. If I get that, I keep OI and head to the gym.
I'm looking for pointers, suggestions, reassurance, etc. Can you help a new guy out?
Comments
Regarding your texting...I don't like it. Text like you are more of the prize. Don't follow up with asking her why she's not responding. That is not attractive...it's more like 'blecchh.'
Try these texts:
The Secret to Why Your Wife Doesn't Initiate; Top Two Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex; Dominance-It's Not a Bad Word; Top 10 Ways to Increase Testosterone Naturally
@fredless- She's definitely not ready for those yet. Or, I suppose, I'm not alpha enough.
@Chief_TC- You're right. I was disappointed that she doesn't want to flirt back. Can't force it, though.
@kathrynthegreat- I don't think everything is a fitness test. In fact, I don't see her giving me any fitness tests at all! Reading that part of the MMSLP, I don't recognize tendencies like that in my wife at all. So either I'm oblivious, or my wife is a little different.
Generally speaking, when I text with my wife, I try never to write two things in a row without a reply in between. I don't know if it's just my style, but for some reason it feels a bit needy if I re-prompt for a response.
@Serenity- A lot of what I've read in the MMSLP and MAP so far talks about how initiating starts earlier in the day. Innuendo, drive-bys, that sort of thing. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to "sext," I'm trying to be playful. Am I misunderstanding what that means? Should I just give that up?
I'm still trying to find out what works. There's a whole lot that doesn't.
@hoping4better- Thanks. Patience has never been easy for me. I acknowledge that I'm just starting and it's not reasonable for me to expect instant results.
She's just not into it. And she's not thinking of me sexually right now.
One thing that bugs me, though, is that I believe I'm already at least even with my wife in terms of SR. I mean, if she and I weren't married, I'd be in much higher demand than she would be. But I'd still objectively be lacking in alpha, so I'm probably just thinking about this in the wrong frame of mind.
I worry that even if I do a great job MAPping, she'll still just have low desire.
Jeez, I'm all over the place, aren't I?
The Secret to Why Your Wife Doesn't Initiate; Top Two Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex; Dominance-It's Not a Bad Word; Top 10 Ways to Increase Testosterone Naturally
Also agree that if you get no response, you should just stop. Sending further texts to provoke a response is over-doing it.
And no Disney movie quotes.
With that said, I don't think she was testing you. You were just trying out a new way to be sexual with her, and it needs a little tweaking. Keep trying.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates
I also feel like the whole text was too soft. I didn't get any indication you were being flirty just wanting to chat about nonsense.
I think I ought to change the title of this thread to "Help a new guy get a clue!"
I've got such a long way to go.
I'm going to lay off the texts for the time being. Time to fine-tune my MAP and prioritize some monkeys.
(Which would be a very amusing statement out of context.)
The Secret to Why Your Wife Doesn't Initiate; Top Two Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex; Dominance-It's Not a Bad Word; Top 10 Ways to Increase Testosterone Naturally
But if your ratio is more than 1:1 slanted towards you, you could be overdoing it. Looking at mine and my wife's texts for the last day, we are pretty much dead even at 1:1, but that also includes a few times where I sent three in a row or she sent three in a row.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates
Prepare yourself--you are going to make a lot of errors. No way around it. And you are going to piss your wife off--now way around it. Keep focusing on your Map--and do so with the primary goal of improving yourself, and life will be good.
But it is key to do it for fun and not as some button you push to try and get sex. If the two of you use texting a lot to communicate start looking for opportunities to turn a text from her into flirty sexual innuendo.