Need to Switch from Beta to Alpha

beAlpha

We have been married for 3 years..yes just 3..and knew each other for 2 more prior to that. We are 32, fit and attractive. I am an IT project manager.

For the first 2 years, sex was great about 4-5 times a week, with all the crazy stuff --HJ,BJ, shower sex, sex on the couch, table, kitchen ..you name it...Last year was a very rough year for us. First, I met with a streaky accident, had to get an eye operation. Fortunately everything is fine now. Soon after that my wife suffered an attack of a deadly disease -- meningitis and was hospitalized for about 2 weeks. That drained me emotionally and mentally, while I sat beside her bedside, attending to her and worrying about her day and night. After recovering and taking a short break, she wanted to become pregnant, so we tried and were lucky the first time...unfortunately the pregnancy got terminated with a miscarriage in the 3rd month. This was a great blow to us, and more so her. After getting the DNC taken care of, we took a small vacation. Since she was  not working during her pregnancy I even arranged to work from home to be with her all the time and support her..that actually helped a lot.

Although the trauma of a miscarriage stays with you for a long time, I can say that my wife has recovered mostly and is happy about life in general now. We decided that we should put the thought of having babies on a backburner and enjoy our lives and have fun. She wants to get back to the crazy sex and she is open to almost anything. However currently my mind is still stuck up with the thoughts of the pain and suffering that she had to go through and me turning into almost her parent, nursing and caring for her. I was not like this prior to all these traumatic episodes..anyway things have been pretty stable and smooth rolling for a while now (touchwood) and I need to switch from beta to alpha ..My wife likes me being alpha and even taking control and ordering her around during sex...Please help me make the switch from Beta to Alpha<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Version3

Welcome, beAlpha. Standard recommendations apply: read the MMSL Primer and or the Mindful Attraction Plan and go from there.

It's doable with some work.

Jen_Kay

Welcome to the forum!  I second the buy the books advice, find them here and here.   It's a good sign that you're looking to fix this.  If you wait too long and ignore her asking to get back to your crazy happy sex life, eventually she'll stop asking- which is a bad sign. 

Have you thought about having a couple of sessions with a counselor or therapist? You sound like you need to talk through the trauma of her medical issues in order to put them behind you and move on.