My oldest is due to start school this coming January so we have some decisions to make. She will still only be 4 (nearly 5) so I'm a little conflicted about whether kids that young should be in institutionalised education at all. Regardless, we have some decisions to make. We've been carving out a bit of time the last few months to do a bit of homeschooling to see how we go with that. She loves it and will often ask to do homeschool (it's the maths and handwriting worksheets she loves best). I'm struggling to find the energy to keep it up though and with a new baby on the way, it'll be even harder to keep up next year.
We've got no worries on the academic side of things: she's really motivated and is already nearly a year ahead on literacy and numeracy. She's a lot less good at other things: she's not quite independent with dressing, toileting etc; she doesn't like participating in group activities (eg. she's 'tired' and lies down during singing time) and suffers from separation anxiety. So, she certainly doesn't want to go to school and maybe it will be a bad fit for her/she needs some more maturity first, but maybe she'll learn these skills/ mature in a school environment.
If we decide to keep her home, legally we can and don't have to do anything: it's only when she turns 6 that we're legally expected to register as a homeschooling family and let a government official see what curriculum we're using etc.
One possibly downside though is that if we keep her home and then want to send her to first grade when she's 5 turning 6, she'll be in school with kids who are used to the school routine and she might be even more of a non-conformist than she is now making it harder to fit in.
Another difficulty with homeschooling is that it'll be harder for her to find friends (though she's not nearly as interested in people as in things). Our church is a bit sparse on kids her age group and there don't seem to be homeschooling groups/co ops in our local area (we may have to drive 1/2 - 1 hour). We've really struggled to make connections to local kids her age partly because most of them are already in daycare/preschool from 2-3 years old.
So, what do you guys think? I'd especially like to hear from homeschoolers.
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You could certainly do homeschool-like activities and start her next year when she's more school-ready.
Are you suggesting keep her home a year and then send her to school a) with her year level cohort who've already been in school a year or b)with the cohort younger than her who are just starting (and who she'll be way ahead of academically)?
Socially/maturity wise, I don't know whether it's better for her to just wait and mature or whether it's better to force the issue a bit.
Whole family wise there's a case to be made for sending her to school just for the babysitting value: I struggle to find the energy to do housework and kid care as it is and there'll be a new baby next year.
It's not all about academics. From your description, she is not ready for five year old kindergarten. Academic readiness is a fleeting thing - she may be ahead not but average later or always ahead and you just don't know, so look at the whole picture.
People worry far more than they should about the academics, and not enough about the maturity of their kindergarten age children.
It sounds like you have an out from formal school if you sign up to home school? Maybe that would be a good compromise - keeping her out of formal school when she's not quite ready (and you're not crazy about either) but keeping her engaged and moving toward age 5 competencies such as potty training, sitting still for short periods and finishing a task. Just don't make yourself nuts about it, because it honestly won't matter a damn academically in a few short years whether she started at age 4 or 5.
I agree with you it sounds like too much, too soon, but I think for slightly different reasons. I think school helps a lot of scattered immature kids find some structure, but I believe they should be in little kid level activities while they are still little kids.
Do they not have a pre-K type program for kids who are on the cusp age-wise? More of a mother's day out than formal school?
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And if not, ask if she can attend school half days or three days a week or some such. She doesn't have to attend Monday through Friday all day just because it's available.
I've already started writing up some questions to ask prospective schools, so I'll add: 'Should I send her this year or next?' to the line up. 'Can I keep her home some days?' is already on my list.
Just for clarification, she doesn't have toilet accidents: the lack of independence I was referring to was asking me to wipe when she poos and remembering to wash her hands etc. She's also still in a night time diaper, but that's not relevant for school.
She's also totally able to sit still for long periods of time at a task of her choosing/something she likes doing like colouring in/handwriting practice/sums; she becomes 'incapable' of sitting still when it's story time at the library/ kids' talk at church/ singing time at school. And by 'incapable' I mean that if I offer her a reward for doing it and a punishment for not doing it, she magically finds the ability.
I just realised writing that out: she's probably a fiddler like me (I struggle to keep my hands still). All the things she finds it easy to sit still for have an element of movement. However, there's also a big element of wanting to do what she wants, not what someone else wants her to do.
She's not really on the cusp age wise. If she goes to prep next year (Jan 2017) she'll be one of the youngest but not the youngest. If she waits and does prep the following year (Jan 2018) she'll very likely be the oldest (maybe even by a few months).
In the younger grades it didn't matter so much, but later- in high school, and even college I feel like it made a difference. I was the last to get my license, I couldn't go to bars because I started college when I was 17, and things like that. If I had been a boy, and physically smaller than my peers it probably would have caused additional issues.
Try to get her in where she's one of the older kids, and not one of the younger ones. I've seen DS really blossom by being around other kids his age in preschool. I was worried about it, but he's been fine, and learned a lot of important social skills that I couldn't have possibly taught him at home.
I'd love input on the homeschooling side from the homeschooling families here. @hannelore, @roses, others? Also @MrsJon: I know your kids are in school now, but I remember you kept your oldest home till about 6? And, you can give insight on the feasibility of the mother coping with homeschooling as well, I think.
Homeschooling is all very well and good (as an aside, another of my besties home schools her children and does an amazing job - I fully support homeschool when appropriate), but when you don't have the energy and coping skills for what is already on your plate, then you don't add more.
DS starts pre-kindergarten next week, and on the supply list is a complete change of clothes including socks, and underwear. Three months is a long time for her to practice up on those skills in time for school.
Scarlet is right- the leap between 4 and 5 is a huge one. Crying from separation anxiety is ok at 4, but at 5 if the rest of the kids have been going to school for 2 years then it's going to be tougher for her classmates to be empathetic.
If you keep her home (regardless of where you place her in school later), will you be able to provide training and experiences she needs as far as life skills and social skills? Do you have any plans to address those needs at home?
Honestly, I would vote for keeping her home for a year and letting her be the oldest kid when she got to school. I would not worry about the academics; I would concentrate on her life skills during her last year at home. But if you don't know how to address that or will be busy with younger children, school might be the better choice.
FWIW, I homeschooled and for the most part learned to not care at all about ages and academic levels. Kids don't develop all at the same speed. Individual kids vary in their development from year to year. You can see where she is doing well and where she needs to mature.
1. If she's not really ready for the social aspects of school, don't worry about the academics, and keep her home. There are other babysitting options (find them!).
2. But remember that you're keeping her home because you're not worrying about the academics! Too many homeschool parents choose to homeschool for reasons of personal development, and then torture themselves and their children by obsessing over, and prioritizing, the academics, and ignoring or taking for granted the accomplishments made in personal development.
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So many helpful comments! I agree you should start her at 5. All mine have been 5, even if they were capable earlier. If they show interest/capability, I'll start learning to read at 4, only because like potty-training, that opens a lot of doors for them. In the meantime, we concentrate on lots of personal habits, hygiene, public behavior, virtues like courage, patience, kindness, etc. And playing. My 4, 2 and 13-month-old spend hours in narrative play (ok, not the baby, but she is definitely learning how to play and act out stories from the toddlers)
Our piano teacher won't take students under 5.
I want to say, too, the idea of a person homeschooling, keeping house, caring for babies ALONE, successfully, is a bit of a myth. I had childcare help from my mom until recently (she's now the primary caretaker of my grandma), the neighbors and I swap sitting, I have considered hiring a mother's helper, using 3-day preschool. We've talked about getting a housecleaner once a month.
Currently I get sitting help 3 days a week and the other days I use our gym membership's daycare (up to three hours a day!) My oldest will most likely be at a once-a-week drop off school in 7th grade, or online courses
Just remember it's not all or nothing! Whatever you do when your daughter is 5 isn't a 12-year contract
Looks like sending her to the year behind next year isn't an option anyway. The kindergarten is really strict with age cutoffs according to their website (and it's not walking distance and it's expensive). So, if we want to send her to school next year it would be prep year (which is free and the closest is walking distance from my house).
Our choices are:
-local school for prep: walking distance, same school as other kids on our street, including next door neighbour, they'd have to take her so no waiting lists
-somewhat further local State school that runs a less structured program (Reggio) so would probably suit her better, not our official school zone so we'd be on the waiting list and maybe not get in. This school also has multi-age classes which I think will be a better fit for her, but that would only come into play in the unlikely event we're still living in this area then.
-keep doing similar to what we've done this year. She can go more days to the Montessori she's currently in although it's pricey (actually, I don't have the money for more than one day a week...but I can probably get some financial help from parents here) and not actually a good fit for her. One of the benefits though will be that Miss 2 can start going with her (and we'll start that this September regardless). Miss 2 loves the parent and child classes and can't wait to be big enough for drop off classes and Miss 4 will feel less separation anxiety with her sister staying behind (and drop off easier for me because at the moment I have to tear the one who wants to stay away from the school and make the one who wants to leave stay behind). This school won't develop her conforming to the group and following with everyone skills: circle time is all of 5 minutes and she's allowed to opt out; there's no need for social interaction with other kids in the course of the class and she doesn't seek them out.
-private school? We could send her to the school hubby attended and get lots of approval from his parents. It's just about the most expensive school in the whole city, but I think we'd get financial help from hubby's parents (and we would have an easier time getting in than other schools because of hubby's connections). It'll be a long drive to and from for me to take her there. (I wouldn't honestly consider this option till she's older)
If the most important consideration is babysitting time then the local, walking distance, State school is obviously the way to go. But there are plenty of other considerations too.
That you're giving the decision all of this thought shows you really care, and that seems to be about 90% of the battle some days.
Learning to cope with bordeom, and going along with the group even though you really don't want to are skills that everyone has to learn. Whether it's with you while you're attending to her new sibling, or in a classroom of her peers- those lessons are going to come for her.
I'm sending DS to public school up the street. Staying home isn't an option, and I think he's topped out on what he can learn in a private preschool (which are more expensive than some colleges here). I'll use the money we'll save from doing that to enrich his life in other ways/save for college.