Mrsthing thanks for your comments regarding my wife's sexual abuse. Could you tell me more about what your husband did that helped. Thanks on behalf of Mr and Mrs bethechange
Hi I am sorry this has taken so long! My husband was extremely supportive regarding my abuse. My particular abuse affected my not only emotionally but physically too and PIV sex was very difficult for me for years. He was okay with not doing this, even if it meant it didn't happen at all for extended periods. This was one thing that helped a lot.
He also made sure that I went to therapy. He event went along with me at one stage. I have flashbacks to the abuse and he encouraged me to talk to him about it if I wanted. He would drop everything for me when this happened. Yet he also did not force me to talk before I was ready. For example, rape was part of my abuse but I didn't actually ever use that word. For years I could not even way this word and anytime there was rape on TV I had to leave the room. When I finally shared with him that I was actually raped... not that it makes any difference what specifically went on bc any abuse is horrible... but when I was ready to share, he told me he had always known but didn't want to push me.
Also making sure that I took the lead in sex helped. I grew up thinking that sex was what happened when the guy held you down... great if I liked it, too bas for me if I didn't. I did have a few partners before my husband who were very sensitive and kind, but to be able to say no, stop things, as well as actually say what I wanted was great for my recovery.
My husband also was very calm when I spoke about the abuse. He has cried and gotten upset sometimes but for the most part, just having him remain calm was great. Some pretty heinous stuff went on with me and having someone listen calmly and not react was nice. My last partner would say he couldn't bear to listen and that hurt.
I am happy to talk anytime. I've been dealing with this stuff for a while and I am in a decent place with it now. Hugs to you both.