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Ildundra

About

Username
Ildundra
Location
Finland
Joined
Visits
200
Last Active
Roles
Silver Member
Points
115
Posts
78
Badges
9
  • Re: Closing the Forum on 12-27-16

    Thank you so much for the forum! MMSL is what really started me on my journey of taking answer for my shit myself: I'm still on that journey, and was just today coming back to get Gold and start a MAP-thread. Not going to end it either, even when the forum ends.

    If you're a woman, and feel like a small private support group (of max 15 ppl or so) for MAP would feel good on Facebook, feel free to send me a message before the forum closes. I'm not that close to many of you, but I really feel there is invaluable insight on this community that has supported me for the last three years, that I would love a continuum of it in some way.

    Thank you so much Athol, Jennifer and Rebecca!
    RebuildingHusbandTenneeLittlejoeJellyBeanShepardamblrgirlTooEarlyTooLatePersephone
  • Re: Ildundra on the quest of self-improvement

    Monkeys for the next 1,5 weeks (22nd January trough 1st February).

    1. Focus on improving in my hobby 
    Spend a lot of focused training time in the computer game (now before my work begins). My goal is to reach as high ranking as possible for the season of January, and I've to get at least 10 matches a day. 

    2. Set up my "homenest"
    I will live in a shared apartment with my friend at least until summer, possibly to the autumn. I moved here from my mothers apartment in December, and my things are still in boxes in the livingroom. I'm painting my room now so it's still empty, need to finish it, and set it up as a nice and revitalising enviroment for me to write, play and relax. I've decluttered a great deal of my belongings, and I don't intend to bring anything that's not necessary, beautiful or frequently used to "my new domain". I expect that it will free up a great deal of mental energy too.

    3. Stop displaying low value
    I will keep alert to notice when I'm going to blame, nag, whine or complain, and stop right on track. I lift up as a priority the mental work I do with my psychotherapist to understand and stop my "bursts" of negativity, and that means doing the introspective thoughtwork now. I'll actively do my homework from that both in practice and in the spirit, keep expanding on that, and keep journaling about the bursts that happen so that I can recall and analyze them. This is the major obstacle for two of my long term goals (close friendships and a relationship), and I feel that there is momentum that can really solve this one if I act now instead of pushing it to the back of the priorities.
    _io
  • Re: Dating since the divorce

    Hey @EverAfter‌ , i'm not a man dating after divorce, but wanted to chime in that the lower chance compared to men doesn't equal to only having harrible out of shape men as options. That would be true if age was the only impacting factor, but a big part of the outer looks are in your control (hair, clothing, fitness etc.), and in addition there are a million internal parts that contribute to your attractiveness. The only option is to MAP hard; i'm sure it can be enough for building enough attractiveness to attract and hold a man you desire and respect, even though women have the harder time on post-divorce dating market.
    JaaD
  • Re: About online dating: Experiences and need for advice!

    I've got 4 red areas under 5 on my scale of 1-10.

    Slacking on exercise 1, has been my trouble since forever, I don't stick to the routines I make, and with my 80-hour workweek for the next two months, I'm not realistically going to hit the gym now either. At least maintain the current state by smart eating and keeping sugarless, so I can take a spurt on this area in December. Goal: Get active time each weekday in the school both for myself and the children, preferably for 1 hour or more each day.

    Displaying low value 4. If I feel bad and/or like complaining, just shut myself up. Work on the reasons in therapy.

    Being lazy 3, and fake relaxation 4, go together for me in this case. To keep my head over the water during these intensive two months, do my household work timely, find the playfullness in both of my very interesting work-things, and keep them mostly separate as they should refresh my energy for the other thing. 
    -When I do either workstuff or plan on it, focus on it intensively instead of multitasking. 
    Stop reading online forums, news and fanfiction for now. Either I do schoolplanning (only during the day, if other ideas, write them down for further examination, or I don my dreamjobproject (evenings), I do housework or I do something something fun and/or really relaxing. Email/facebook limited to transitions by train/bus/car to the workplace.

    I don't know if this is too many things to keep in mind, but they should be selfexplaining and easy to ingrain if I stay committed.
    AngelineMariaOlddog
  • Re: Baby Steps To Boundary Pushing

    And one thing regarding to multiple orgasms to keep in mind - she might have something to lose from that.

    At least for me, after the O everything is feeling really great, I'm relaxed and soppy and happy. The second and third can be amazing. But, depending on how easily she will get a second one, there is something from a small to even a very high probability "risk" for the woman to go for the second one. Getting all worked up again, but not getting the O or getting a very soft and not-powerful O can be very frustrating. It's (at least for me) totally different than to not get to the first O, as in the worst case it's taking away the amazing feeling of peace and happiness you got from the O and replacing it with mild or severe frustration. Not saying that it wouldn't be worth going for, the rewards can be really great; but it's definitely not a "nothing to lose"-situation either.
    UnBetaMe[Deleted User]RorschachMiddleManshibari