Give him a red pill with a URL to buy the MAP book? 

CartB4Horse said:

You've got this @IrishGypsy.  Your eyes are wide open now and you are setting limits.  She's resisting your MAP, resisting you growing a back bone.  KEEP IT UP.

He said that it was a good thing I told her I was uncomfortable with her staying over by herself. The NG tendencies are eroding.

He also suggested playing the mean card of suggesting her family need to know the root cause of what's going on if they (namely her mum just now) continues to ignore me, or start asking me why I'm making her upset, in the same way my wife currently is.

I'll sit down with my wife tonight, lay out that I have reasonable boundaries (more so considering the circumstances) and that it's reasonable to expect her to at least take them on board. Any choice she then makes is up to her.

Additional thought: Now I've worked out my wife's preferred brand of attractiveness, when I up it, will I actually still want to be with someone who is primarily drawn to status/power/money? I'm not saying it's bad (because it isn't), but is that the kind of person I really want to be with. Because, for me, none of that truly matters. But, of course, women are less visual than men, so all women are attracted to the same things in varying degrees. Food for thought for me.

Also, a very sincere thank you to @Athol_Kay for his insights. Confirmed a lot of the forum's thoughts, but gave me a lot of great insight elsewhere. Well worth the money for anyone else who is ever told to go do it. I put the cost onto my credit card as it was too important to ignore.

And apologies to Athol if I rabbited on or if I sounded like a drunken Irishman 

If she's using a PC/MAC for comms, and you don't think the affair has been going on for too long, then it's worth cloning the main hard drive and swapping out the original for the cloned version.

Deleted files stay on a hard drive until written over (usually after a few months, but will vary on frequency of use). Swapping hard drives allows you to do a deep sector scan with recovery software on the original hard drive whilst the cloned one is used (minimising chances of her writing over potential evidence). Images and movies are very easy to recover.

Good luck with the MAP.

@Tennee Hey! Thanks for popping in and words of support - really appreciate it. And I've starred your MAP thread to keep an eye on your progress. Looking forward to seeing your success unfold (and then applying that to my own marriage)

Had another rubbish nights sleep, so I'll do rest of triage and start my MAP thread a bit later today. Need to get my DS son fed and get us ready for Nursery/Work.

*puts Captain hat back on for a new day of sailing towards Awesome Island*