Sexual dominance

Well we talk about this all the time, but I'm specifically talking about it here from the frame of breaking bad sexual patterns. My dominance in bed was absolutely the biggest factor in breaking this reciprocal sex cycle. I lead the sex. I took what I wanted. I threw her around, I pulled her hair, I grabbed her throat, I fucked her into the bed. I went with instinct and that broke the whole pattern completely. No more "by the book", or chasing orgasms, or just doing whatever worked last time. I let the beast out.

Of course this conflicts somewhat with what I said above, which is quite "purposeful". I had to marry the two ways of being together: there was an overall purpose of improving our sex from session to session, and breaking out of the pattern we were in. But being dominant and animalistic where necessary factors in doing that - I could not just "science" my way out of it.

I did a lot of other dominant things too of course - put my cock in her mouth when I felt like it, spoke dirty to her during sex, sent her sexts, etc.... all the usual stuff we talk about here. 

SO... this all started having a cumulative effect - feeling more comfortable with her body, feeling sexier, enjoying penetration, being dominated passionately, etc... it all added up... and we got back to the flowing organic joyful sexual experiences that we'd had together in the old days.

Of course not all women like the same things BUT here's my experience on the dominance aspect. My husband was my first (only) PIV partner; he had prior partners. The first year or so of sex was mostly the gentle variety. He was always able to give me an orgasm (or more) but while it was enjoyable for me and I was generally willing, I did not crave sex the way I thought I should. Even though I was orgasming, and he was clearly trying to make sex a pleasant experience for me, I was having sex mainly to please him as he is high drive. I remember being underwhelmed by sex and wondering what the big deal was.

Maybe a year or so in, presumably once he felt I was comfortable enough with sex or maybe he was just getting bored he started getting more aggressive in bed. First just pounding instead of gentle motion, on to hair pulling and and throwing me around and ass smacking, etc. It was like a light bulb for me. THIS was what had been missing from sex up until then. I didn't want to like being manhandled but OMG did it excite me. That's when I really started wanting sex for myself.

Fast forward well over a decade and past pregnancies and babies and the death of my sex drive for a while and his backing off of the aggression. When I got back on track, I straight up told him he could be as dominating and rough in bed as he wanted and yeah better than ever for me. I probably wouldn't have been ready years ago for the level we take it to now, but now I can't get enough of him. More just makes me want more.

TL:DR if he had never had the nerve to take some steps in the dominance department, I probably would have been bored to tears with sex most of our marriage. I didn't even know that's what I wanted until he started down that path. The more control he has of the sex, the less focused on me it is, and the more it feels like he is just doing whatever the hell he wants to me, the better it is for me.