Bashing in general is not productive.

@SignorePillolaRossa, I strongly suggest you step back from threads when you notice you get that emotional. You overreacted badly on @forestleaf's thread.

Phrases like "people calling her on her shit... pitty (sic) party... she tries to darvo the points I made... that little gem of hers"... clearly show that you have lost the ability to respond to her posts in a matter of fact way. These phrases are accusatory, plain and simple.

On forestleaf's thread you talked over her head, mentioning her in the third person. That's rude.

Not a single poster here has suggested that she "should be given a free pass on her shortcomings and just celebrated with a comp-bashing, pity party"  nor is such customary practise here anyway. 

After only a few posts of hers it is totally uncalled for  "that she should be called on her shortcomings to address that which she is in control of" .
We don't yet know all the background and we are neither her judges nor preachers of the Red Pill anyway.

This is an self-improvement forum and anyone who takes the trouble to sign in is highly likely to have a strong incentive to work on themselves. Until proven the opposite we need to treat them in that manner and not presuppose unwillingness.

And finally, it's not reality that men get the 2x4 and women are coddled. That's at best your perception.

TPoke said:

@Katt‌ so looking over the thread and summing it all up... A) laid-maid-treyed - sandwich making, cum enthusiast, un-assertive, sweet, loyal, nice girl Vs assertive - demanding, super confident, stands up for herself, uses the word "no" often, independent girl More attractive A or B, holding all other things equal. Understanding that they are both extreme caricatures, I think the captains would decide this in a landslide.

False dichotomy.

You can be assertive, confident, set and enforce boundaries AND be sweet, loyal and caring.

Friends who have had abusive/cold/crazy parents have told me that they experienced zero grief at their death - only a mix of indifference and relieve. Which made them feel guilty.
The only sadness they felt was grief for the lost chance of ever having a "normal", functioning parent but not for the person.
One of my friends told me she has finally been able to forgive her father, she doesn't hate him any more and is at peace now, but she still doesn't mourn him a bit.
I can hardly imagine that, but it might be reality for some people.

Just let it settle.
Let your husband figure out what he is feeling right now and what he needs.

Refusing to  participate in power struggles that can't be won is a sign of strength and souvereignty. Could you have mistaken this strength in your husband for weakness?