@JohnGrey
Yeah, pretty much.  He gives the kids the electronic devices (phone, tablet, computer, wii) so they think he's awesome.  He plays with the toddler.  He sleeps on the weekends whenever he gets a chance.  He definitely has sleep apnea--snores, stops breathing--and he's not getting it treated.  Last weekend he got involved with a project for our oldest's 4-H stuff.  So he's not entirely disengaged.  There's always sex at least once a weekend.

I should be very clear, if you didn't read the triage in my introduction thread: ex was eighteen, he was seventeen, when they were together.  His parents made him leave with them when they were able to safely escape the country they were in (missionaries)  He had no contact with her, as far as I know, until this past March (he told me April).  So they never broke up in that sense.

I can probably get my hands on his phone this weekend.  I don't know how to use it: I've never needed to.  Time to learn something new.  Can I ask him for no contact when she and their son (and her daughter by her ex-husband) share a cell phone?  Or is that unreasonable?  We don't have the money to provide their son a phone.

I can't believe he's doing this.  I mean, I can, I have the phone records, obviously, but his brother's going through a nasty divorce with fake-911 calls and all for the last year: his STBX hooked up with her high school boyfriend on Facebook at the start of it.