I totally get this.  100%.  It is my biggest issue.  I call it the death spiral.  After a while of no sex or affection I get grumpy, which is not attractive.  So no sex.  So I get more grumpy.  And so forth.  To the point that when I finally get a green light I actually sometimes shut it down.  Honestly, I'm so frustrated I'm not interested anymore.  I'm frustrated when she gets a cold, because there goes any chance for the forseeable future.  Or she travels, because that could mean many extra weeks.  And the idea of a quickie - no way, because somehow that "counts".  That's life on the low low side of average.  I end up spending much of my time in various states of grumpiness, imagining what case I'd make in the appeals court of infrequent sex.  Oh, the argument I could make.  Logically, morally, statisitically - I win!  It would be so, so easy to move us to a better place, simply by doing a tiny bit more of something that is enjoyable (and free!).  How can this even be a problem, I think.  

None of this has ever helped.

I think, well to me anyway, this is what MMSL is all about, and Zen, Taoism, etc.  Finding meaning elsewhere.  Realizing that it could be worse.  Having a good life anyway.  And not being grumpy all the time.  Sometimes I can even see that when I'm no longer in the death spiral, counting the weeks, I'll probably - for cosmic karma reasons I don't understand - end up having more sex.  Or not caring about it.  Or both.

Meanwhile, I'll be following this thread....

Have a new way of looking at things lately that has greatly decreased my level of stress.  I tend to "feel" others emotions and attempt to problem solve things that aren't really mine to solve.  (I couldn't stand unnecessary suffering and sometimes the solutions are so obvious!).  I also have an over-inflated sense of what is right and wrong and cant stand injustice.   It's caused me a lot of stress because I most of the time can't solve the problems for them - I don't have the authority, resources, or they just aren't interested in solving it.  So I can't address the conflict and it just goes on and on.  But lately I've let this go.  I had to, for health reasons.  I take care of my responsibilities and set boundaries, and let other people do the same.  I've stopped seeing conflict and natural consequences as "bad".

I know, basic stuff.  But somewhere I got off track.  Sure is a weight off my shoulders.  And the world hasn't fallen apart yet.....

Dealing with some stressful stuff at work and home.  My usual neurological issues are back.  Clearly they were stress-related.  Some cardiac symptoms scared the crap out of me.  I've lost a lot of weight, and quickly.  Was sick, so no exercise.  And there doesn't seem to be an easy way to avoid the issues.  Working on that now.  Need to cut back.  Way back.  Past couple of folks in my position had serious stress-related medical issues thst caused them to resign.  Um.  Not good.   

Has occurred to me: (1) my current work situation - partly very distressing HR issues - is more stressful than I realized and it's probably impacting me far more than I would admit or let anyone know.  Noticing physical symptoms.  Sleep problems linked to work stress.  So reached out to mentors and friends and making plans for some changes (2) the obstscles to more frequent sex - illnesses, travel, work, kids things, family emergencies, etc - are a part of my life that is unlikely to change right now.  Better to focus on enjoying fun together during pre and post days, improving the in between time and not being too frustrated, (3) Need to maintain positive outets for stress and find some new ones, (4) need to improve communication - no long talks, but just expressing myself enough that I don't need to carry around the negative feelings.  

@nubby.  Usually one cup of decaf in the morning, and maybe a diet soda later.  I've cut back on the diet soda over the years - used to have a couple each workday.  I don't drink alcohol much at all either - maybe a beer every two weeks.  My wife says I don't even finish that.  And that she's only seen me drunk once, in 1992.  Having more than that makes me really uncomfortable, and kind of ill feeling most of the time.

You probably remember that I had been on ADs - low dose, thirds and forths of lowest dosages of wellbutrin and an SSRI - for a while (2010-16 with a couple breaks of ~6 months) and stopped in July.  SSRI was for anxiety (GAD or maybe PTSD). Which I'm not so sure is really much different than depression, biochemically.  The wellbutrin was added b/c the original SSRI took away the lows (and highs) but also sapped my energy.  That worked well at the time.  So this summer I watched for signs of either withdrawl (really minor, only a few weeks thankfully) or returning anxiety (none I can tell).  I recall a surge in energy when I first started the buproprion years ago that was nice and felt "normal".  This seems a more likely culprit for me than caffeine. Maybe I messed up a brain circuit along the way???  Or should have stayed on the ADs.  But.... Whatever this is, low energy or something else, it was occurring well before, during, and after I stopped the ADs.  Same with all the other medical issues I've had.

....a real puzzle.