I got the recent notice from Athol about the forum closing in a week, and am really sad about that. There are tons of gold in these pages. They ought to be published as a book, or series of books.

I will just say, on this subject, that in some cases there may be a fine line between having a spouse who is smart and strong willed, and having a spouse who is a narcissist. Good luck in figuring it out.

I'm not sure where to post this, but the last few paragraphs contain a bombshell of a wakeup call.

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/charles-j-orlando/why-women-cheat-married-man-goes-undercover-ashley-madison

The only hint we have is that we were told that his wife feels like he is shutting her out with all his mapping. It seems to me that this, if true, would kind of defeat the purpose. Is he avoiding her, or trying to punish her, or using this as "pursuing other interests?" If she's asking for more connection, I would suggest that it would be wise not to allow mapping to interfere with that.

Many years ago, my wife sat me down and told me, humbly and with considerable vulnerability, that she needed more out of our marriage. I essentially blew her off, and now, 25 years later, I regard that as the worst mistake of my life, a critical moment of neglect with unforeseen consequences..

I hear you, brother. My first born over achiever extroverted wife has been a handful for our entire marriage. If you haven't done so already, since you referred to yourself as a NG, please read No More Mr. Nice Guy. 

Another thing. When dealing with this type of person Never. Ever. tolerate disrespect of any kind, from harsh words to eye rolling to whatever. You must always call her on this if she crosses the line. Do it in frame, without losing it, but firmly.

I know a lot of docs who are married to other docs and I don't know how, or why, they do it. Medical training is extremely stressful; depending on the specialty, it consists of a lot of hazing, one upmanship, harassment, and put downs, with constant self doubt about whether or not you're good enough, or if you're going to make a mistake, and how the hell can you possibly get everything done that you're supposed to? The happiest female docs I know are married to men in non-medical fields, men who can make them forget the stress of medical practice, and help them discover a more enjoyable life. You have to realize that docs essentially gave up a lot of the fun that most people enjoyed in college and in their early 20's in order to compete as an undergrad for a spot in medical school, and then have to endure long hours of post graduate training during the remainder of their 20's while their non-medical peers are earning a lot more money, get home before dark, and have weekends off. As a non-medical spouse, you have the opportunity to be her tour guide to the world of fun and pleasure, and she will be eternally grateful. Also, high performance individuals crave words of affirmation-she will love you for it.

Kudos to you for agreeing to counseling. I personally regard the refusal by a spouse of the other spouse's request for counseling as a critical moment of neglect. Many of the D-Day stories that appear on MMSL contain the statement by the BS that "They (the wayward spouse)" asked (before the affair) to go to a marriage counselor but I didn't see any point in it." 

Another thing that helped my out of the bedroom game was trying hard to figure out my wife's Love Languages. One of my spouse's main things is humor. As Ben Franklin said, " A maiden laughing is half taken."

Give this a lot of thought. One suggestion I've read is to carefully observe how your wife shows her love to your children, and then try to emulate that, as a starter.